Hey, Dan Snyder

How to rename the Washington Football Team

Dear readers, today we depart from our regularly scheduled fare to have a bit of fun. You’ll learn the #1 secret to naming in the process, I hope.

_

Dear Dan,

I’d like to help you cut through a bunch of time and expense and just tell you the new name of the Washington Football Team.

I heard you are considering making the Washington Football Team the permanent name. I get it. You’re in a tough spot.

Here’s the thing. You have an incredible opportunity to enliven your fan base at a moment when the talent on the team is surging. And, you can do some real good for the world in the process.

. . .

In order to agree with my recommendation, you need to first understand the Theory of Negativity, which was first introduced by the epic naming god of all he surveys, Steve Manning of Igor International.

The Theory of Negativity is the only magical marketing secret I have ever come across (it applies to more than just naming). 

The Theory of Negativity isn't about negativity in the sense of being pessimistic or dour. It's about negativity in the sense of the positive and negative sides of a battery, or a magnet. 

Have you ever driven to work and arrived at your destination only to realize that you the whole journey is a blur or a blank? You might have killed someone, you think.

In reality, this is our brain doing what it is supposed to do. You tossed data out as fast as it came in because everything was as expected. 

The Theory of Negativity suggests that what’s memorable is what’s unexpected. The best names, logos, messages and campaigns surprise us. They make us tilt our head and pay a little bit more attention. They create tension — magnetism, and polarity.

A favorite example is the popular business messaging tool Slack. Slack’s name is classic Theory of Negativity — it evokes slacking off and slacker, and slack in the system — for a productivity app.

How about Virgin Airlines? Do you really want someone flying you around the country that’s never done it before? Two classic Steve Manning examples are Yahoo! And Sallie Mae. The list goes on. 

. . .

Quick, I’m thinking of a construction equipment company that makes backhoes and diggers, rollers, and cranes. These machines are clad in yellow paint.

I love to give this prompt in large crowds and then ask everyone to say the name of the company in unison.

Caterpillar!!

And yet most people have never owned or operated a Caterpillar machine. But everyone remembers the name.

(Note: recently the company has started using just “Cat” alongside a logo mark of a cartoonish black cat’s head. That sound that you’re hearing is the sound of someone losing their job. Caterpillar is one of the best brands of all time and no one should be allowed to mess with it ever again.)

Caterpillar makes some descriptive sense in that some of the treads of the company’s machines look a bit like an actualcaterpillar moving along. 

And there’s good evocative fodder available, too — a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, and so too does a hole in the earth into a gleaming tower of glass. But most people don’t pick up on that stuff.

I would have loved to have been in the room when Caterpillar was chosen. 

If one was naming a construction equipment company, you’d be naturally inclined to call it Titan perhaps, or TITAN in all caps — yes, that feels right. But “Titan” is exactly what you’d expect.

Caterpillar most certainly is not. And as a result everyone knows and remembers the brand. 

Someone at some point in a brainstorm or a review meeting spoke up. I imagine that person slowly raising their hand from a distant corner of a conference room. “How about...caterpillar?”

And someone, somehow, was convincing enough, and the group was courageous enough, to recognize the suggestion of caterpillar for what it was — pure genius.

. . .

For another good example, take Apple’s logo. That mark is ubiquitous. They don’t even need words anymore. What’s so memorable about the Apple logo?

The bite is what’s memorable. The bite is what’s unexpected. The bite suggests rotten, or spoiled. It also suggests temptation, allure, and the loss of innocence. This is some downright illicit hardware, baby! 

Credit is due to Regis McKenna, Steve’s Job’s longtime ad and marketing guy, and McKenna’s designer Rob Janoff. They took the bite out of the apple. That bite was worth billions. 

When someone comes to the Apple website today, not much has changed. What’s the Apple website’s job? To get me brand drunk, of course. 

Apple devices are overpriced. There’s no debating that. The website’s job is to convince me that it’s okay to make what can only be described as an irrational purchase. 

. . .

Let’s do one more design example. Suppose we renamed Apple Computer. Suppose we called it Leaf Computer instead. 

Leaf Computer it is. We don’t care what you think. We’re in charge. And we get to pick the name. 

Leaf Computer.

What 9 out of 10 of you did while you were reading the previous sentence was imagine the Leaf Computer logo. 

No doubt it had actual leaves, vines, and ventricles in it, something out of Jack and the Giant Beanstalk, perhaps? Or maybe something more modern, perhaps akin to what Nissan did for their inaugural electric vehicle?

You’re so predictable! We all are. Sadly, the logo you so quickly imagined would be just as easily forgotten. How might the Leaf Computer logo look if it were to be instead rather unexpected?

. . .

Back to you, Dan. And the team.  

Dan, I’d rename the team the D.C. Justice. 

Justice is as American as apple pie. Justice works on the right and the left. Steve Manning would tell you never to judge names by their literal dictionary definitions, but in this case it’s a great starting point. 

Justice. Noun. Just behavior or treatment. "A concern for justice, peace, and genuine respect for people.”

That’s what everyone who (rightfully) hated or objected to the name Redskins wanted. Give it to them. Go right at the issue. Justice is so on-the-nose that it’s perfect, and perfectly unexpected. 

I also love the connotation of a Supreme Court justice. The judicial branch doesn’t get nearly enough love for how badass it is. The judicial branch decides right and wrong. The judicial branch is the ultimate arbiter. And they dress better than anyone. 

The Washington Senators? The Nationals? Those point in the same direction but are not nearly as good. 

And I’d focus on D.C. instead of Washington. 

Washington gets enough love already. Name the team for the district. For its people. Represent them in a way their country still refuses to.

D.C. also just sounds cooler. The slight invocation of D.C. comics (and the Justice League) is good, not weird.

And, D.C. is shorter too. Fewer syllables is almost always better. D.C. United is a great name, and it still sends the right message. Follow their example. 

The trademark landscape looks pretty favorable to me after a quick search. And the domain is negotiable for sale. 

(And, the Washington Justice is an Overwatch team of some renown — best to avoid).

. . .

Most of all, I love how the Justice can be used as an irregular plural noun, in a way that is also quite unexpected — in fact it’d be utterly unique in the NFL.

Pardon my inner grammar nerd, Dan, but in this case it’s worth it, I promise. An irregular plural noun is a noun that is plural without an ‘s’ at the end. 

We have lots of irregular plural nouns in soccer and basketball. The Miami Heat. The Utah Jazz. the New England Revolution. The LA Galaxy.

In the NFL for some reason this just isn’t done. The Ravens. The Lions. The Packers. The Dolphins. The Patriots. Every single one has an ‘s’ at the end. 

Nor does any MLB team use an irregular plural noun.  You’d stick out like a sore thumb, in a wonderful way. 

Irregular plural nouns feel somehow more inclusive, don’t they?

Not to mention, D.C. Justice is a name that gives you a shot at being a team with a national fan base. 

You could use the rollout to own your past, make an authentic promise about the team’s posture and operations moving forward, and best of all, establish the first purpose-driven brand in NFL history.

After a win, fans will get to say: “Justice was served.”

And as my friend Jim Rudden quickly suggested, a game-opening or kickoff ritual would naturally revolve around a a command to “All rise!”which has the perfect double meaning.

If all that’s not memorable, I don’t know what is. 

_

At my firm JDI, we make precedent-setting science companies well known and understood. This includes a whole lot of naming and branding. Learn more at: www.jones-dilworth.com and view our design portfolio here.